Relearning How to Draw

How I unconditioned myself Post-School

"It took me four years to paint like Raphael.
But a lifetime to paint like a child."

— Pablo Picasso

My mom once said that primary school had destroyed my creativity. I'm not sure I cared at the time. But recently the loss had suddenly become evident in a wake up event involving past trauma. I noticed how tight my drawing was and that school had conditioned me to not express myself. Yikes! 😱 Now in my mid 30’s I finally understood what it meant to lose my art. And the problem is that life == art, so this thinking had seeped into my daily behavior. Big yikes! 😱 😟 😦

Here are some core beliefs school instilled in me:

1. Don't express yourself (We tell you what to do)
2. Don't experiment (Mistakes are bad.)
3. Don't do anything controversial (Copy everybody else. Coloring pages)
4. Don’t trust yourself. You will fail (We grade your art)

It's a crime, really. School is abusive to the individual. I caught myself the other day, hesitating to make my next painting. I inquired further and found those core beliefs deep within. I had to cry. School had never nurtured my personal expression and artistic development. On occasions, it had literally torn my work to shreds.

But my pre-school inner child knew how to do it. Just grab some cool colours, a blank sheet, and make it happen. There is no right or wrong. Only expression. Decades later, I now need to bring my child back into the fold. Just be brave, try anything, and just draw for the fun of it.

It took them 18 years to destroy me, 18 years to find myself back, and it will probably take me another 18 years to become mature in my way.

1. Side Street (pen and ink); 2. Flamenco Bailaora (crayons and brush pen); 3. ??? (crayons)

I've been drawing for two months now. The best thing I've done so far is to just scratch on paper like a spray-happy graffiti child. It comes very natural now, but it was suppressed big time.

So if you think you've deserted your art, it is never too late. It's not the goal to become a respected famous painter, but to develop yourself. And to start now is always the right time to pick that thread up again. You might think you'll make mistakes. But we have to relearn to be our own art teacher now, the one we never had, and be proper with ourselves.

Go on and find yourself the right tools and a sketchbook (I advise starting small: A5 format). Continue to draw and rediscover yourself.

Shamanic Addendum

You know that short film The Mission by Stephen Spielberg, the one with the bomber plane and Kevin Costner within the Amazing Stories series? You should really watch it.

The Mission (1985), Steven Spielberg

Drawing has trauma healing capabilities. The effect it can have on the brain is not properly researched nor documented, but it has magical powers. Because if you want something to happen in life, you first have to imagine it. Having a vision and being able to draw it out of the unconscious and cast it onto the paper can potentially realize many beautiful things.

You really start to wonder, whether it's almost on purpose, why art is such a neglected subject at school. It could be a Hogwarts course where children learn how to bend reality to their dreams and desires with the flick of a pencil. We could all be powerful wizards with the ability to forge the universe around us.