Shamanic Soul Retrieval
Desperate Trauma requiring Desperate Measures
So I did a Soul Retrieval today. If you would have asked me two years ago, I wouldn’t have been up for it. But I read a few books, found out I have some skills about me that can be called shamanic. For instance, I found I’m quite sensitive and can sniff out lies like a bloodhound. Presumably I believed this was something all people had, but apparently not. Anyway, all of that contributed becoming more open minded about having a Soul Retrieval, which is a common practice within shamanic work and shamanic journeying when one is suffering from soul loss.
Shamanic Journeying & Soul Retrievals
Shamanic Journeying in short is visiting spirit guides for help. A soul retrieval is using spirit guides to retrieve missing pieces of ones soul. One can retrieve one’s own pieces but usually you let a shamanic practitioner do it for you. This may sound really foreign, but I read a few books about. Sandra Ingerman and Michael Harner are two popular writers about this topic. I read about three or four books from them and also delved into the work of Carlos Castañeda, which is about a Mexican shaman and his apprentice. Besides this, I really write a lot of fantasy around my own trauma’s and this can be considered as a form of Shamanic Journeying. Most people can probably relate to believing in a story with imaginary characters whether in book or movie. In that sense a shamanic journey is not much different, it’s just focussed on one’s personal story.
Anyways, today I attended a local shaman in a place outside the city. The day before I was really afraid I was going to expose him, that I was going to figure out he was a phony. That has partially to do with the fact that I have worked a lot already on my own story through writing imaginary stories. If animals in these stories can be considered spirit animals, or power animals, then I already have a real personal relationship with them. Nonetheless, when after we shook hands and we talked a bit, I felt more assured he wasn’t a fake, though I’m still not sure I believe everything he has said to me. But he has studied with Sandra Ingerman herself (and referenced on her website). There's not really much more credentialism to achieve in the world of shamanism.
The Ceremony
After half an hour conversation about my personal issues, struggles and blockades I had to lie down on a table. The intention was to do a soul retrieval, and focussed on reclaiming a 3 year old part of myself that was left behind abandoned after the divorce of my parents and the loss of my father.
The shaman started drumming and quite quickly blew a lost of piece of me back into my stomach, heart and head. There were small changes I could feel after he did this. The ceremony continued a bit longer, lasted about 45 minutes and was a combination of music and singing using different instruments. My experience was mostly emotion. I first experienced fear. Halfway it shifted to sadness.
After he was done, I didn’t really feel different, other than having enjoyed the experience. In the post-analysis he described his experience.
- He had retrieved a 3 year old child somewhere down in an underground channel system. It was protected by a spider and he had to make sacrifice to this animal of honey, to let that monster let the child me go. This is the piece he after blew back into me.
- The next thing that happened is that he saw the current me in a Snow White state in a glass coffin with an apple in my throat. He said he had to destroy the glass coffin and extract the apple. There was a blue and yellow bird involved in the rescue which is apparently a power animal for me.
- A Puma was also retrieved and can function as a power animal to help me start living.
- Additional neurological blockages have been changed. I thought this was one of the more vague and funny comments. He briefly said there were more pieces of me stuck in the past, but that’s for later. He told me to focus on processing this ceremony first and integrating my 3-year old and that might induce saving other pieces later. These were pieces I could retrieve myself.
Post-Talk
After he had briefed me on all this, I felt somewhat disappointed. One reason is that I feel my own imagination is more apt, and hence I was not fully convinced by the originality of his trip. He actually used some animals I had mentioned in my own story. I don’t know whether this is normal or doable, but it felt a bit cheap. But who knows, maybe it’s also a lot of respect for what I found in myself earlier. And maybe it all doesn’t matter and they are just different versions or imaginations of the same story.
In some cases I wasn’t sure he was really honest, and he seemed a bit nervous, which wasn’t a great signal. Then yet other moments he really said some strong direct stuff about me he could never have known. When I exited the door, I didn’t really feel different. Maybe a bit more relaxed, but not that I was a new person suddenly.
After-Effects
When I got home and took a coffee in a cafe I finally observed a difference. My heart was more open. I felt I wanted to connect to people. There was suddenly a stronger connection with my emotions. A grounding.
Supposedly it takes about two weeks of processing. A lot of things can happen during this time. Anger, fear, loss, grief. And that’s the initial bit of course. To me it feels more like a first step in a long process of healing.
That was my soul retrieval in a nutshell. Happy I did it.
Self-Shamanic Addendum (6 weeks later)
Six weeks later: I Recovered multiple pieces of myself through the use of plant medicine (psilocybin). Maybe this initial ceremonial one was a kickstarter of sorts. I remember the shaman saying that some pieces may come on their own later, doing it myself. And that's what happened.
Anyhow, what I discovered and found by other shamans (Gerry Starnes) and trauma research is that time slows down reliving an overwhelming memory. The agonizing feeling encroaches on you that you'll forever be trapped in that moment. Let that be a cue to know you're in the right place, even though it feels extremely uncomfortable. I captured it in the chart above.
Time slows down in a trauma event, and comes to a standstill. This is the place where a piece of your soul is trapped. Living through this moment fully, is the way to recover this missing piece. There’s a lesson down there at the bottom, and you may only take your soul back once you’ve learned it.
